Carolyn Pain

Carolyn E. Pain died Saturday, August 16th. That seems impossible to everyone who knew her. Carolyn was full of life and joy and exuberance. She had boundless love for her family and friends and was fiercely loyal. She celebrated everything and could make one’s smallest accomplishment feel like winning the Nobel Prize. Just like Auntie Mame in the musical, she treated life as a banquet to be fully enjoyed. One friend noted, “when most 91-year-olds are contemplating a move into assisted living, Carolyn at 91 was on a safari in Africa.”

Born in Waterloo, Iowa, Carolyn was the daughter of a music professor and college secretary. Both her parents were college graduates. Her mother, who drove a motorcycle, was one of a few female graduates from Cornell University in the 1920s. Carolyn and her two sisters were expected to get a good education that included music. Carolyn studied piano and voice.

Carolyn attended the Indiana University School of Music, majoring in musical theatre. During her college years, she developed her skills as an actress in musical and dramatic performances. She sang with the Indiana Belles and in numerous performances with the St. Louis Summer Opera.

As a featured singer with the Indiana Belles, Carolyn joined the United Services Organization (USO) to entertain the troops stationed in Japan during the Korean War. While she loved performing, she recalled turbulent, windowless military aircraft flights wearing parachutes and sitting up all night huddled with the other USO entertainers in spartan lodgings infested with spiders.

Carolyn was a successful model and actress, starting in high school. One of her photo shoots for Jantzen swimwear appeared in Life magazine. She appeared in television commercials and print advertising. She was a member of the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) and the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (AFTRA).

In 1952, Carolyn was crowned Miss Iowa. In Atlantic City, she competed for the Miss America title in gowns that were homemade by her mother, who also was her chaperone. She laughed that she showed up with one suitcase and her mother while other contestants arrived with entourages. Nonetheless, she finished as the alternate to the ten finalists. She loved her year as Miss Iowa and her crown became a favorite “beauty queen” dress-up accessory for daughter Deborah and her friends.

When Carolyn was a freshman at Indiana University, one evening she went with a date to a party at a fraternity house. During the party, a senior named Fred Pain, who was the fraternity mentor, wandered in to ensure everyone was behaving. As Fred told the story, he took one look at Carolyn and walked over to introduce himself and ask if he could call her,

right in front of her date. The next night, he took her to a campus movie. From that first date forward, Fred and Carolyn were never apart. Their romance lasted almost 70 years, including 65 years of marriage until Fred’s death in 2021.

Carolyn and Fred had three children: Deborah, John Gregory and Matthew. Plus, an endless menagerie of animals that included numerous dogs, two turtles who lived in the bathroom, an aquarium full of fish, hamsters running in elaborate warrens on top of the pool table, parakeets in the breakfast room, rabbits in the family room, a chinchilla named Ling who lived with nearly 60 guinea pigs that took over the laundry room when Matthew decided to raise them for agricultural competitions.

Carolyn wasn’t afraid of much. Who else would drive all over Europe with a husband and three teenagers in a camper van…for six weeks! She did and it ended up being one of the best summer vacations ever.

When Carolyn and Fred moved to Arizona in 1959, Phoenix acquired a lifelong volunteer and community supporter. Between raising three children and corralling the various pets, Carolyn volunteered for numerous Phoenix organizations ranging from John C. Lincoln hospital to the Humane Society Thrift shop.

In 1968, Carolyn began 30 years as a docent for the Phoenix Art Museum. She attended classes to improve her knowledge of art history and gave tours of the art museum. Her favorite volunteer activity was going into elementary and high school classrooms around the city to share her knowledge of art with students. She loved giving tours at the museum and supporting the museum’s outreach into the Phoenix community.

For 50 years, the Phoenix Theatre Company was Carolyn’s home away from home. Informally known as “the mother of the theatre”, she performed on its stages, helped with productions and encouraged patronage through her theatre groups. In 2024, Carolyn was recognized at the Theatre’s Gala with a special award and an enthusiastic standing ovation. Carolyn saw theatre as a channel for creativity and growth. She loved the people she met and valued the diversity and inclusion that are vital to the performing arts.

Throughout her life, Carolyn made and maintained many friendships. She stayed in touch with friends from childhood and college. She gathered with friends independently and in long standing social groups, including her Luncheon Club, Phoenix Theatre Group, Phoenix Symphony Subscribers, Pi Beta Phi Sorority Sisters, Art Museum Docents and Royal Palm Neighborhood residents. Carolyn especially treasured close bonds with daughter Deborah’s friends, who helped her around the house and took her to lunches, dinners and Diamondback games.

Carolyn’s family was the greatest joy of her life. Carolyn is predeceased by her husband, Fred, and son, Matthew. Survivors include daughter, Deborah and Deborah’s husband, Mark Kimmel; son John Gregory and John’s wife, Lisa Pain; adopted sons John Adam Kowalski, Michael Barnard. Carolyn’s grandchildren: Maureen Kimmel, Emily Kimmel Gaffney and her husband Owen Gaffney, Kolbe Pain, Alex Pain, Libby Pain. Carolyn’s great grandchildren: Michael Gaffney, Malcolm Gaffney, Ronan Pain.

A celebration of Carolyn’s remarkable life will be held in December at the Franciscan Renewal Center. Please contact a family member for details. In lieu of flowers, Carolyn’s family requests donations to The Phoenix Theatre Company (www.phoenixtheatre.org), ALK Positive Cancer (www.alkpositive.org) or The Arizona Humane Society (www.azhumane.org).